On a day that is full of presents, food, and family, I had a special moment with my T-rex. The energy of the day was overwhelming and as we were driving to Christmas dinner at our Wicked Fairy Godmother's home, Hubby and I were deep breathing and reminding ourselves that this time with our kids and family is what matters most. That reminder and the spirit of Christmas helped me with extra patience with our overtired and over-sugared kids. We had a family Christmas program. Each of the families sang a primary song, and when T-rex was asked to sing, he said he would like to. I asked him if he wanted to sing the song, Picture a Christmas, and he said yes. This is a song that I have sung to him every day in December, hoping he would learn it. Grandma started playing the song, and he sang every word with me. I was touched with the pure sweetness of the moment. As soon as the song ended, T-rex said, "Let's do it again!!!" and Grandma played it again, so in front of everyone, we sang it again. As soon as the song ended, he once again said, "Let's do it again!!!" but it was time for the program to move on. That moment made my Christmas. MADE. MY. CHRISTMAS.
(T-rex dressed as a shepherd for the family nativity on Christmas Eve.)
I love my sweet boy. I love the glimpses of the peace and joy that make each day with these kids worth it.
I've been doing a lot of thinking about homeschooling T-rex, because I plan to start in the fall. I worry that I will not have a good enough relationship with him to make it work. T-rex is constantly trying me, pushing my buttons, and being a typical energetic and physical 3 year old. Because of this, I have come up with a new mantra - This is What Matters Most. I am going to start saying it to myself during times where I just want to knock T-rex's block off. Because during these small moments, my anger tells me that he deserves to be yelled at, yanked from the naughty thing he is doing, or sent endlessly to time out. BUT-I am going to try to change it. Because I HAVE TO CHANGE or I may push my child away, dim his bright and vivacious light, or loose the special relationship I have to the boy who made me a mother. The relationship I have with my children, husband, family and my Savior; THIS IS WHAT MATTERS MOST and it's about time I start acting like it.
Today I did something I haven't done in YEARS. I am so completely out of practice, and it was awkward and hard for me. But I did it. I did it because I promised Heavenly Father I would, and that I would do it before the the new year. So I did.
I know it shouldn't be difficult. This is the reason I am happy and truly the reason I am the person I am today. But it was.
Fransisco has been my neighbor for almost 5 years. The guy is super nice. We talk on occasion if I'm out with T-Rex in the front yard. He doesn't belong to the Mormon faith. And I shared a pass along card with him along with an ornament in the shape of a gift. I told him Jesus Christ is very important to me, especially this time of year. And if he wanted to watch a video to bring in the spirit of Christmas, that there was a special video that he could watch, and pointed to the back of the card. I was nervous, shaking, and sweaty, but I kept my commitment that I made months back. My husband and kids were with me, and Hubby interjected, seeing my message tapering off, and let Francisco know that we appreciate being neighbors, and if they ever needed anything, that we are here.
I've been fretting about this. But I've also been calmed. I believe I said what I was supposed to. I learned this week that Heavenly Father doesn't count success as a conversion. I don't have to convert Francisco to my faith, because ultimately that is his choice, but I do have the choice to invite him to Christ.
Today is the first morning in at least a month that I woke up genuinely happy. I felt peaceful. T-rex wakes me up every morning, we go to the potty, and then he watches an hour or two of CG while I lay on the couch having zero desire to be awake. This morning he woke me up, we went to the potty, and then we made a German pancake together for breakfast. As we were making the breakfast, I caught a glimpse of the sunrise. It was beautiful. Perfect. And as we ran outside in the cold to enjoy it on the balcony, I knew it was just for me. I felt the love of our Heavenly Father. He had heard the pleas of my depressed heart. He's ready to help me take on the day to day tasks of being a mom, and help me find joy in it. I grabbed the camera to snap a few pics of the sunrise and as soon as I was done, it was gone. The morning went on. T-rex helped me unload the dishwasher, we ate breakfast, and played blocks. But that sunrise will stay with me, and remind me that He is always there.