Monday, January 19, 2015

Shake it Off

I remember last year, at about this time, realizing I would be turning 30 and being nervous and scared.  The thought of leaving my twenties (aka the young and fun time of life...or so I believed) was frightening!  My mom counseled me that she loved her thirties. She said that it was when she "came into her own," whatever that means. At the time, I couldn't then imagine being really comfortable in my own skin..I had just had a baby, my hormones were crazy, I hadn't slept much, and well, that makes for a time when fears might be a little irrational.  However, it's a year later,  I have turned thirty, and I think I have a better understanding of what it means to "come into your own."   I don't want to be embarrassed if I'm not the best singer in the ward choir, or I don't have the clean and organized house most of the time, or the fact that I have a poochie tummy because I've had two kids. I don't want to be insecure about meaningless things anymore.  I want to sing out and just enjoy singing, have a messy house just because I spend more time on the floor playing with my kids, and be okay with my tummy because I have two glorious children.

(UVU Ballroom team on tour in Australia.  I'm the one in the red dress....I know not helpful.  
Back row, sixth one from the left.)

We went to vocal point concert at BYU this evening and it brought back memories of when I was on the UVU ballroom dance team. I wanted to be the best dancer on the team. But I was insecure, and I didn't enjoy ballroom dancing as much because I didn't feel like I was the best. I held back, embarrassed of what others would think if I did everything bigger-including making mistakes.  What a waste! I feel like it could have been so much more fun, had I been able to set aside my insecurities. However I feel like the only way to get on a team like that was to be competitive.... so at this point I think I'll forgive myself and live differently from now on.  Other than not constantly stressing about a clean house (why do I care what people think so much!?!) one thing I really would like to do is to sing. I just want to sing and enjoy it. Regardless if I'm great or horrible I just want to sing. I hold back when singing with my husband (who has a great voice) or others who are better than me.  I am the only one holding myself back from the joy. I am just gonna sing out.  Be okay not being the cleanest, the best singer, the skinniest, etc.  Maybe my mom was right on, your thirties aren't so bad, maybe I am coming into my own.

P.S.  And truthfully, Taylor Swift got it right....

Cause the players gonna play, play, play

And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate
Baby I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake
Shake it off
Heartbreakers gonna break, break, break
And the fakers gonna fake, fake, fake
Baby I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake
Shake it off, Shake it off


I really love that song.  Listen to it all of the time.  Sing to it all of the time. Shake to it all of the time. Can't stop, won't stop GROOVING!

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